Easy Stew With Plot Contrivances

The summer here has been a bit variable, sometimes sunny and sometimes raining surprisingly hard. Here’s a recipe that’s great for either of those conditions: slow-cooked Herb & Pork stew! I didn’t actually make this today – I made a chili instead – so I have transcribed from memory the last time I made it. Please follow all the steps exactly if you make this at home.

You’ll need 750g of pork shoulder in chunks. I get mine in large pieces so I chunk it myself with kitchen scissors. Wash hands before starting, then start up Star Wars the Clone Wars on a nearby laptop. Briefly think about last time laptop keyboard was cleaned and wash hands again. Return in time for the end of old-timey annoucer recap and read the “inspirational” quote as you remove bones and cut up the meat into appropriate sized bits.

Put the pork chunks in the slow cooker, then on completion of raw meat handling leave to wash hands again, neatly avoiding one of the painful Anakin/Padme scenes where he is utterly unreasonable over something trivial. As the scene changes to the Jedi council, add a tin of chopped tomatoes, a tin of drained chickpeas and 3 tablespoons of mixed herbs to the slow cooker. Yes, that many herbs, don’t worry it works. The Jedi council is pondering some grim news and don’t like the Chancellor’s suggestion for handling it, but decide to go along with it anyway. Anakin calls the council fools for daring to doubt his Chancellor BFF.

Meanwhile, heat some oil in a frying pan and chop an onion, a carrot and some garlic (3-4 cloves is good). The plot has shifted a bit and Obi-Wan is doing some solo investigative work now. He will be rumbled, captured or otherwise blow his cover before the oil has heated. Fry everything you just chopped until the onion is soft. This should take 5 mins or so, or just enough time Obi-Wan to be released: by the villain for own ends (20% chance), by a powerful friend who is in danger and needs help (25% chance), by Jar Jar Binks accidently (5% chance), or violently by Anakin (50% chance). Empty the frying pan into the slow cooker when that happens.

Finally, add into the slow cooker around a mug’s worth of chicken stock, a good squirt of tomato puree (tbsp ish) and season with some salt and pepper if you like. Hopefully the clones have showed up by now, their variation-on-a-theme personalities and interactions with the rest of the cast are probably the best part of the show. Stir gently to mix the ingredients together. Show ends on a quip about events that transpired, followed by sombre warning about increasing darkness in the galaxy. Cook on low for 8 hours

Makes enough for 4, serve with mashed potatoes or similar.


Clone Appetit!


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