The Skyrim Speedway: Part 8

Looking for other Skyrim Speedway posts? Part One has links to them all!

Last time on The Skyrim Speedway, we were about to end the Civil War and bring peace to the lands. Heck, we’ll probably spread some love too. Peace and Love is a good combo, yeah?

It’s a shame Orc isn’t a dual-wielder because Peace and Love would be excellent names for a pair of daggers. Life is full of missed opportunities. Speaking of opportunities, it’s time to attack Windhelm and finish this war once and for all- for Truth, Justice and the Achievement you get for doing it!

Well, it’s nearly time. First though, Orc has to make it back to the Imperial camp nearby to receive his orders. That’s through an area filled with volcanic activity and a Standing Stone, another one on our journey to finding all 13. There’s also a Dragon circling and instead of flying off, this one decides it can take us!


It was very wrong and it was a Legendary Dragon! An achievement already!

(As an aside, as someone who’s been to a few volcanic areas this area in Skyrim is pretty cool but also a bit of a missed opportunity. The steam vents and boiling pools are good, but the uniform drab yellow? Real volcanic activity deposits all sorts chemicals around in an array of crazy bright colours. They’re also a bit more dangerous to wander on than the completely safe Skyrim version, although I suppose the dragon attacks balance that out…)

Orc reaches the camps and finally receives orders to join the attack on Windhelm. Pause for a quick selfie shot withof the entire Imperial army assembled for this decisive battle – all 15 of them! (I wasn’t fast enough to get a selfie, as I fell off the bridge trying to get one and they were attacking by the time I got back)


and then…CHARGE!

You might think that as the final battle the enemies would be a bit tougher than before, but it’s mostly the same old trash mob soldiers we faced at all those damn forts. The streets are blocked with rubble, but it’s a simple matter to find the path to the palace. Finally, Ulfric gets that mace to the face. Perhaps the Empire now needs a new Jarl for the city? Maybe someone nearby who already looks the part? Because they “acquired” Jarl clothes very recently?


Despite his excellent credentials, Orc doesn’t get the job but as consolation prize we get the achievement for ending the Civil War.

With Skyrim reunited and peace reigning, it’s time to spread some love. This takes us to Markarth, a formerly Dwemer/Dwarven city (the game switches between the 2 terms) where the first thing we see is a murder.

Rough city.

If you thought we were done with civil wars, Markarth Hold has a faction of separatists who are upset the city was invaded and taken by Skyrim 2000 years ago. We’re going to ignore that as much as possible, so Orc heads up to the palace and the underground relic-filled lab of resident city wizard Calcemo. It’s quite the bachelor pad!


Before attending to our relationship counsellor duties, Orc uses the table there to enchant his weapons with powerful fire and frost damage boosts. The bow, when sneaking, now does 1500 damage per shot! As a bonus, we’d already smithed an item and made a potion so we get the “Artificer” achievement for our first enchanting!

Back on task, Calcemo is having problems of the “I can’t talk to girls” variety, although his crush is personal bodyguard to the city’s Jarl and apparently has a fearsome reputation. Still! Unfortunately, just telling him to go talk to her isn’t an option but luckily, Calcemo knows said bodyguard has a platonic best friend who is extremely good at the romancin’ arts. This friend knows she’s into poetry and is happy to sell us one of his. We buy it and he advises us to give it straight to her so Calcemo can’t mess it up. Sure, this sounds like a solid plan where nothing can go wrong.

…and nothing does. It’s the middle of the night, but Bodyguard Lady takes being woken up by a stranger who hands her a love poem surprisingly well, writing a response immediately. Possibly the fact it was 3am stopped her from recognizing the writing style of her best friend? Anyway, the two starcrossed lovers meet and immediately declare their undying love for each other. I’m sure it will last.

Back to Riften and we’re dispatched on another LoveQuest. This time it’s to the deserted plains of Rohan Whiterun steppes.


Here, a ghost is feeling distant. Specifically, they’re feeling distant from their husband’s body, lost in battle. Orc somehow knows that the last battle on this spot was several hundred years ago and even weirder knows exactly where her husband’s patrol was ambushed the night before the battle some distance away. Seriously, the game gives you markers to follow but doesn’t even try to justify why you know which bits of random steppe are important, even though you’re literally working for a goddess so “miracle” is completely acceptable. Anyway, we reunite them and they float away from the world.


I would make the joke that they both died on their way back to their home planet, but…they were already ghosts.

We’re finished, so can return to Riften and get our resistance to magic reward. Feeling especially helpful, Orc volunteers to distribute religious leaflets to the population. Very few residents care, but they do at least take them off our hands. Some guy isn’t interested in leaflets and, convinced we’re some sort of filthy cheat (we are, but not that way), keeps trying to get us to steal things. Maybe later. While getting rid of the last flyers we do wander down to the underground pub that’s a not-so-secret front for the Thieves’ Guild and run into the Face Shaper, who can change your appearance for a fee.

1000 gold later and we have some swanky blue facepaint and another achievement!



Time Elapsed: 6hr 39m

Achievement Progress: 24/75

Next time: Another guild- Magery, thievery or DREAD MURDERS?


One thought on “The Skyrim Speedway: Part 8

  1. Pingback: The Skyrim Speedway: Part 1 – Memoirs Of A Crime Bird

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