Looking for other Skyrim Speedway posts? Part One has links to them all!
At the end of the last instalment, I indicated that we were going to knock off another Guild questline. I thought long and hard about which guild would provide the most benefits, be most thematic and interesting, then picked the Thieves’ Guild because Orc was already in the right city.
So, back to the market we head. Brynjolf here is trying to plant stolen goods on a merchant so he can have them arrested and apparently is quite open with this plan to anyone who wanders by.
Just for contrast, in the previous game in the series, the Thieves’ Guild wouldn’t acknowledge they existed until they knew you could be trusted. The trigger for that was being arrested for a crime, so they only approached people who were a) already criminals and b) in need of more skills so they wouldn’t get caught. It wasn’t a perfect method, but it was slightly more subtle than “Hey you! Want to be a thief?”. Actually, the Thieves’s Guild in Oblivion was way better in almost every way, but there’s plenty of articles floating around the internet about that if you’re interested.
Back to Orc! Even in broad daylight a little theft and framing is no issue for our sneaky hero, and just like that we’re given our next task: make our way into the thieves’ pub. As Orc was just there, this isn’t the ordeal Brynjolf thinks it is.
First though, we have to do a favour for the guild by …extorting protection money from local shopkeepers. Uh huh. For one thing, this isn’t thievery and for another is slightly confusing because it’s implied it’s for the actual crime family that runs the town, who because of the civil war quest are now actually for real running the town. Jarl Maven Black-briar is in the weird position where she could drastically lower the crime rate simply by not working as hard. I quite enjoy that little tidbit.
Anyway we smash up some shops, threaten some families and are let into the secret Guild headquarters and inducted (achievement for us!). It’s in the sewers: thematically appropriate for such a trash guild.
The smell must be something. Orc also gets a new outfit, because of course an organization of literal criminals who don’t want to be identified needs a uniform.
As is customary, the guild leader wants to test the new recruit by sending them on an extremely tough mission that already proved tougher than one of their best infiltrators could handle. The target: a honey farm that stopped paying protection money. Yes, meadmaking is serious business in Skyrim. orc has the skills to sneak in and crack the safe, and the speed to sprint past all the guards and torch some bees. Easy beesy, and we found out the farm has been sold to a new owner!
Orc would consider working at night, but that gives less pretty screenshots.
Next up, Maven herself wants to send me on a mission without bothering with the pretence the Guild has any say whatsoever. The target: a meadery in Whiterun. She wants to dominate the mead business, the owner won’t sell so I’m to sabotage the place. that’s simple enough: walk through the front door, vaguely imply Orc is with Pest Control and voila, we’re inside with all the poison we could want. The only problem is the pests, which actually are out of control. However, they’re not that big a problem to Orc Orcersson, Dragonslayer. Given the pest problem, no one is surprised when the Guard Captain’s response to being poisoned by bad mead is to sentence the meadery owner to life in jail.
Spiders the size of cars should not be permitted free roam of a food preparation facility, in Orc’s opinion.
The Guild higher ups are now getting worried that the same anonymous person is behind both mead things and trying to drive a wedge between the Guild and Maven. I can see why that would be worrying, without Maven to tell the Guild exactly what to do, they’re just some dudes in leather in a dungeon. Although depending how they feel, I can think of at least one other business model for that setup…
Anyway, there is a lead: a lizard in Solitude acted as middleman for one of the deals. What follows is a very slow tailing mission that felt like it lasted forever. Orc is very good at tailing.
He’s not as good as the lizard who has a tail, though! I had lots of time to think that one up, this is next screenshot was about what I saw for 20 minutes.
At the end of the tailing was a regular bandit cave and dang was it a relief to get some action. One intimidated lizard later, and we have a name for our mysterious….antagonistic business investor? This plotline is kind of silly to summarize. The name is “Karliah”, which causes alarm back at the Guild
The guild leader wastes no time taking Orc and going to the place the lizard said this Karliah might be. Apparently the guild leader can tell we are clearly expected, but to Orc the place is filled with about the normal level of traps and draugr. The guy does crack one of those dragon claw locks with his hands.
That would be a nifty skill to have but sadly Orc is shot by an arrow before he can learn it. Then the guild leader turns out to be secretly evil and executes us.
Orc is now 0 for 2 at being successfully executed. The guild leader does a poor job because of the special paralysing poison on the arrow, which slows down Orc’s heart. A poison of which there existed only a single dose. The reason Karliah does not shoot the evil dude instead is…unconvincing. Anyway we’re now working with her as being (poorly) executed probably counts as our expulsion from the Thieves’ Guild. Karliah has a diary that would prove all the guild leader’s crimes, but alas it is written in an ancient language. She knows that an expert in ancient languages is at the college just over there. However, only Orc can do anything about those facts, for…reasons.
…oooor Orc could say “Screw this noise” and just go join
Hogwarts the College Of Winterhold. Which way will he go?!
Time Elapsed: 8hr 00m
Achievement Progress: 25/75
Next time: Orc Orcersson And The College Of Secrets?