The Skyrim Speedway: Part 15

Looking for other Skyrim Speedway posts? Part One has links to them all!

Sidenote from the creators of the Skyrim Speedway: I noticed this series was getting a little unwieldy, so I took action! Part One now has links to every step of Orc’s adventure, so you’ll always be able to find everything! And to celebrate that, here’s a double length update with twice the pictures, twice the quests and about the same amount of werewolf! Enjoy!

Monday Addendum: it’s also twice as late as normal, because the scheduling didn’t post this on Friday like it should have! Commitment to the theme!

Orc is now an Archmage, and that’s great. But you know what makes arcane power look like a toddler waving a stick around? Making ill-advised deals with godlike entities! We’ve already run into 3 Daedric princes and filled their requests, and so already have some of the 15 artefacts we need. Let’s go find some more!

We already have one lead: a hobo in Solitude gave us a hipbone and instructions to look in the sealed wing of the palace for his master. Seems crazy, but OK! It’s a lovely day in Solitude, perfect for hunting around in a deserted and dusty old palace!


Getting into the sealed wing is easy enough and Orc wanders around the cobwebbed passageways for a bit until suddenly he’s teleported here: A very odd tea party attended by Pelagius III, long dead Emperor of Tamriel also called “Pelagius The Mad” and none other than


Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of madness himself. He’s on holiday here, inside Pelagius’s mind. It doesn’t have to make sense, that’s his deal. Still, no matter how much fun he’s having on holiday his servant- the mad hobo from earlier- is quite keen that Sheo gets back to work. Orc passes this along, and is informed that Sheo is ready to leave and will do so just as soon as Orc finds the way out of this mind. Luckily, Sheo gives us his Wabbajack to help. It’s a staff that turns living things into other, random living things and happily, this includes Pelagius’ many delusions. We turbocharge his confidence, shrink his anger, kill the representation of his mother issues and turn his nightmares into dreams by changing his fears into a child, a goat and a wench(!?)


I’m not really doing this justice, by the way. It’s clear the writers enjoy being able to cut loose with the Madgod, heck, the Oblivion expansion was set entirely in the Realm Of Madness. Based on what happened in that, this Sheogorath is, in fact, the player character in Oblivion. The more you know!

Anyway, as thanks Uncle Sheo lets us keep the Wabberjock as he sends us back to the normal world.

That was certainly a trip. Hey, Orc at some point picked up a flyer for a Museum in Dawnstar. Maybe they might have an artefact? Time for a trip to frozen Dawnstar! We reach the Museum and it turns out it’s dedicated to the Mythic Dawn, aka the murderous cult of Mehrunes Dagon worshippers that assassinated the Emperor and tried to end the world in Oblivion. Hmm.


While they do have a genuine page from the Mysterium Xarxes, the owner is after something more, and asks us for help recovering Mehrune’s Razor. I’m starting to think he’s in this for more than just historical interest, but sure.

The dagger was long ago split into pieces so it could never again terrorize the world and luckily enough they all ended up in Skyrim. The hunt for parts takes us to a bandit fort, where a fancy vault can’t keep Orc out because he has a magic key. The second part is in a Forsworn camp near Markarth. There’s a lot of people in the camp, so after the part is recovered that werewolf that’s been following Orc around (and once again is not Orc (wink)) starts eating hearts for the last time, because enough are eaten to fill out the werewolf perk tree! Achievement time!


The final part is in the hands of a sawmill owner in the swamp village of Morthal. His family have guarded it for generations, but he isn’t particularly interested in the family duty to protect it so hands it over with barely a quibble. Nice!

With all three parts acquired, it’s off to the shrine of Mehrunes Dagon to reforge the Razor. Dagon is of course feared and hated, so that’s up in a remote mountain near a Standing Stone. In fact, it’s near the only Stone we hadn’t visited, so we get the achievement for finding all 13! Here’s the Stone with the Shrine in the background.


Of course, things don’t go as planned for the Museum owner. Dagon will only talk to Orc and demands a blood sacrifice before he will reforge the Razor. As there’s no-one else up here…


Orc is the Cultist now. Dagon also sends some Dremora after us as a final test, but it seems Orc’s Dremora are far better. The Razor is a dagger that has a small chance to instakill whatever you hit. With a little bit of Orc’s smithing skill applied, this will actually be useful for the few times we need to sneak around.

Hey, maybe Orc should show it off in an Orc stronghold and enjoy some back-home style cooking while he’s there? There’s one near Riften. Sadly, it turns out that it’s under attack by giants because it’s been cursed by Malacath, Daedric Prince of Outcasts (especially Orcs). The reason for that is because their chief is terrible and isn’t guarding Malacath’s Shrine like he should be. He’s on the right there as we listen to the tribe shaman carefully dance around that fact.


To redeem himself, the chief must slay the giants who have taken over the Shrine. In a cowardly and unorc-y way, he has us do all the work then tries to kill us so no-one finds out. Attacking someone who can effortlessly kill an entire giant camp does not go well for the Chief. His corpse is under the dead giant on the right and that’s the Malacath Shrine in the back.


Malacath is pleased at least, and promises to lift the curse. He also names someone else the new Chief even though for once it would actually work if Orc was made Chief! Like, previously in the game I’ve made a few jokes about how because Orc has killed and stolen the clothes of various people, he gets their titles but this is the one case where it should actually happen: If you talk to the Orc in other camps, single combat is how Chieftainship is decided!

Still, if you’re God Of The Orcs I suppose you’re allowed to do what you want, so Malacath gifts us the consolation prize of Volendrung. It’s a really big hammer. You can hit people with it. Subtlety isn’t an Orc virtue.

On the bright side, no less than the patron Daedra of Orcs himself said orc was a “rad dude” so it feels like a little celebration is in order! And where better to celebrate than the Bannered Mare Inn in Whiterun? Look, there’s even a mysterious stranger who challenges us to a drinking contest!


Orc is extremely good at drinking contests.


….or not that good, it turns out. The last thing Orc remembers is winning the contest, but he seems to have woken up in the Markarth Temple, after trashing the place. The priestess is unhappy with us, but eventually takes pity and tells Orc he was rambling about Rorikstead.


Rorikstead is a small village on the western edge of the windswept central steppe. As you can see in the screenshot, it seems to have a dragon infestation. Luckily, such things are quickly taken care of. After some investigation, it seems Orc stole a goat from a farmer. Despite having been saved from a grisly dragon roasting mere minutes ago, the farmer isn’t helping Orc until the goat is returned.


FINE. We’re pointed back to Whiterun, where we find out the goat theft was to pay for a wedding ring. Except Orc never went back with the goat money, so the merchant won’t say more until we give the ring back. She does know where the bride to be lives, so hopefully we can get the ring back without much fuss.


Our bride-to-be looks so radiant that Orc can’t bring himself to call off the marriage. Sadly, love wasn’t to be. This is because a dragon attack happened seconds after this screenshot and in the ensuing mess of mammoths, dragons, bears and giants fighting she got killed 😦

At least we could return the ring and so were given the location of the wedding: a crumbling dank castle full of angry mages…and a weird portal.


Ah, much nicer. But wait, who’s our drinking buddy really?


Ohohoho, it was Sanguine, Daedric Prince of Partying all along! Thoroughly amused by Orc’s antics, he gifts us his staff the Sanguine Rose. It summons Dremora, so we’ll never use it because Orc can already do that.

With the Dawnbreaker and Azura’s Star from earlier, we’re up to 6 out of 15 Daedric artefacts (I found out the Skeleton Key doesn’t actually count). I wonder what else the Daedric Princes will put us through?


Time Elapsed: 15hr 36m

Achievement Progress: 34/75

Next time: Betrayal, murder and more deals with more devils!


One thought on “The Skyrim Speedway: Part 15

  1. Pingback: The Skyrim Speedway: Part 1 – Memoirs Of A Crime Bird

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