The Skyrim Speedway Part 25

Looking for other Skyrim Speedway posts? Part One has links to them all!

Previously: Murders most foul as Orc climbs the ranks of the Dark Brotherhood. Actually, he more or less went straight to the rank of “Top Dog” and to prove it, he’s gonna kill an Emperor!

At the end of the last post, everything was in position. Orc had taken the place of the Emperor’s chef and ye olde fantasy Secret Service thought the assassination plot had been foiled. The final step: travel to Solitude and poison the Emperor!

First, we have to make the Gourmet’s signature dish with the castle cook. She keeps prompting us for the Gourmet’s secret ingredients, and the weirdness we can tell her to throw in just keeps escalating.


We make sure not to leave out the secret secret ingredient though: love!

….also, deadly poison. Love and deadly poison.

The time to serve the Emperor his final meal has come. Not wanting to mess up this most important kill, Orc decides to check the insides of the Emperor’s guts with his murder knife so he can be sure the poison works by comparing before and after. Sadly, the Emperor has a fatal reaction to this light stabbing before he can taste the delicious stew.


Time for a quick getaway. This disguise is foolproof; no-one’s going to suspect the murder victim!


Several people suspected the murder victim. On top of that, Orc learns this was a setup by someone inside the Dark Brotherhood and all he killed was a particularly annoying body double.

Orc doesn’t let a few pesky bodyguards stop him, but on reporting back to the sanctuary…


…it’s had an Imperial soldier-inspired makeover. This season’s hot trend: fire!

Orc escapes this trap the only way he knows how: hiding inside the Night Mother’s coffin again. Dang it Orc, you’re Archmage of a magic school, learn a teleportation spell already. Still, regardless of how unsanitary it is, it works and he’s pulled out by the few Brotherhood survivors after the place has finished burning down. And the Night Mother has some words of encouragement too, someone very nearby has performed the Black Sacrament!


…It was Astrid, in a secret passage. She was the traitor and performed the Sacrament on herself, naming herself as the target, as an apology.

It’s quite the metal way to go out so sure Astrid, we’ll all forgive your bizarre, out of character betrayal of everything you held dear!

But there’s no time for the few DB survivors to start picking at plotholes, the show must go on! And by “show” I of course mean “assassination”. At the Night Mother’s urging, Orc goes to visit the contract giver, who it turns out is connected enough to know where the real Emperor is: on his personal ship, the method he used to get to Skyrim…yeah, it’s pretty obvious in retrospect.

The ship is anchored off Solitude preparing to depart back home. Orc has a little bit of a reputation in Solitude at the moment because of that little incident with the stew and the body double. it turns out that a known murderer with a sizable bounty on his head attacking the Emperor’s security chief in the middle of a busy dock attracts the attention of a fair number of guards.

Still, nothing now stands between us and the Emperor!


Orc gets inside by climbing up an anchor chain and starts silently picking off guards. He’s then interrupted by a fight.


It seems that a pair of Solitude guards followed Orc after the fight at the docks intent on arresting him, to the point where they also came aboard. This triggered the ship guards to turn hostile, because their AI didn’t recognize the town guards as a friendly faction. The Solitude guards are considerably tougher than the quest guards, so they actually take out a fair amount of the crew for us before finally reaching Orc.

Skyrim, ladies and gentlemen!

Nothing else unexpected happens in the rest of the ship, so we finally reach the Emperor’s quarters. Like most of the Emperors in his dynasty (especially his predecessor Patrick Stewart VII), he’s got a touch of prophecy about him and knew full well this was coming.


We have a nice little chat about destiny, he asks us to posthumously avenge him (Sorry, that would be bad for business) and then Orc stabs him. They say to dress for the job you want, and wouldn’t you know it a vacancy for “Emperor Of Tamriel” just opened up.

Better finish up the contract before starting down that path though! Our contractor is delighted to hear about the successful mission and pays us 20k. This seems like a large amount of gold, but we had to kill what, 7 named people plus a load of guards and sailors just to reach the Emperor? I doubt Orc broke 500 gold a kill. It seems like assassining is something you do for love, not as a career. At least it paid out an achievement!

So with that in mind, there’s a lot to be done to clean up the new Sanctuary and the Night Mother wants to have a word, but frankly, we’ve got all we need out of the Dark Brotherhood. It’s time to move on!

With a price on his head in Solitude, Orc decides maybe taking a short holiday would be a good idea before he starts talking to people about becoming the new Emperor. Hmmm, how about a cruise?




Time Elapsed: 26hr 17m

Achievement Progress: 51/75

Next time: A pleasant and uneventful holiday?


One thought on “The Skyrim Speedway Part 25

  1. Pingback: The Skyrim Speedway: Part 1 – Memoirs Of A Crime Bird

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